my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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