I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
This baby is an asshole
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
