margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
