do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
