He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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