You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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