i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
