My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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