dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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