in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
