ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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