I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
