Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
