How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
