i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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