After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
