There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
