I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
