i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
