my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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