My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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