Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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