I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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