Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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