I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
