Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
