I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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