I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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