God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
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