If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
