i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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