dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
