I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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