I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Randomize
