he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
