i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
