My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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