We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
