And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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