your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
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