he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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