can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
