I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
