I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Randomize
