Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
