Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I cut my penus on the lid.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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