I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
