That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
