i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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