So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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