You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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