How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
