I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
