The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Someone shattered a urinal.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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