bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
