I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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