He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
