his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
