He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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