Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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