remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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