My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
When did angry sex become our thing?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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