when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
