you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize