and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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