My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
