The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
