How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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