Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
