it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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