My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
