After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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