It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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