Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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