arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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