he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
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