was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
