I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
