Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
