She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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