I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize