hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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