He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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