Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
