How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
