Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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