Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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