I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
A bitchslap is in order.
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