we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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